this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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