im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
