I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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