Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
