i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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