Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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