two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I could make wine with my vomit
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
