don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
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