im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
