Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
