In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
