She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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