I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
