I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
