If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm sobbing to NWA
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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