I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize