I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
