Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
