My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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