I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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