Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
