I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
