omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
