and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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