im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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