I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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