either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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