Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
