He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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