Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Ladies don't puke and tell
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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