Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
