Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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