Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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