I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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