He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
