i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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