Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
