LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Everclear isn't food dammit
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
