I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
