you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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