listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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