i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
