Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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