fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
