Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
