i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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