fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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