I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
