she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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