Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
