nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
